Dear diary,
I have to admit, I have not been a good Christian all these years. I have hide the the fact that I am a follower of God. I am like Peter, who denied Jesus again and again. When someone were to ask me about my religion, I would changed the subject because I have no idea how to answer them when they attack me with questions about my beliefs. I know what I am believing is real and true but I have no idea how to tell people or shall I say, evangelize the word of God to people. I pray hard for a change or guidance in my life that whenever I am lost, I will be led back to the Lord. I have someone whom I love dearly, but he is a non-believer. He could ask me a million questions that I won't be able to answer. He could tell me many things that make me change my beliefs. Somehow, I would still hold on to the Lord praying for a way to show him that there is Lord in my life. The Lord was not only there during my weakest moments, but also my happiest moments. I wish that he could see what the Lord has done in my life. Maybe my life is not as wonderful and perfect, maybe it's just the beginning of the chapter in Life. It does not mean that if someone believes in God, life will always be perfect. I remember very well my lover told me that he will love me so much that I will place him before God in my heart. When I heard that, truly I was shocked. I would not say that it was the Devil speaking through him. All I could do was pray that God will teach me how to do my job in spreading the good news to him. I wish that he would know that God is always number one in my list. I want him to know why I love God so much that he will remain top in my heart. I do not know how to explain to him. Maybe there will be a time when I know how to. I just need time.

There was once, as I sat in the church and I looked up to the crucifix, I looked at Jesus and I could feel his sorrow. In all his pictures I have passed by and seen, I could see his eyes are filled with sadness. People might think, "what the heck? It's a picture, they painted the eyes that way!". But to me, I thought "It is through the Lord that these painters art/works made such a beautiful painting of Jesus that you could feel Him in the picture." Others might think I am crazy, let them be... for it is my thoughts and I am the ruler of my thoughts and beliefs.